I was talking with a friend this week, reflecting on the process God has us in at the moment. For both of us, God has been going deep in our hearts, bringing healing and life. For me, this has involved God bringing up memories and bringing healing to them, shining light on areas of my heart I have never noticed before.
As we talked, I was reminded that God told me in January that this process He's taking me through would go very deep, and I'd feel like a bit of a mess in the middle of it. The picture of someone in surgery fits quite well - half way through, things look pretty horrible. But that is an inevitable and vital part of the process.
What is key at this point is to keep placing my before God. In the introduction of 'Celebration of Discipline', Richard Foster writes that point of the disciplines is that we continue to place our hearts before God. It is so easy for me just to go through the motions of prayer, for example, without truly placing my heart before God.
During this process so far, there have definitely been times where I feel like a total mess, and I don't particularly feel like placing my heart before God. It takes a conscious choice against my own comfort. Yet, by God's grace, I'm able to keep placing my heart before Him. For me to be fully alive, for me to be fully abandoned to Jesus, I know there is more God needs to do. I'm convinced the end is worth the process - Jesus, for the joy set before Him, endured the cross.
Before God began this process, I had over a number of months been asking for Him to transform me. One particular album - 'Fling Wide' by Misty Edwards - just so perfectly captured this. Pretty much every time I put it on in the prayer room I got wrecked; it just summed up my heart so well. This week I remembered again that this is truly the cry of my heart, despite what my flesh may feel. I'm determined that I'll come out of the wilderness leaning on my Beloved more fully.
"Fling wide the door to my soul
Open up the door to my heart
Have your way, have your way
Have your way"
No comments:
Post a Comment