The past few weeks haven't been great. Quite honestly, I've dropped the ball. I've let doubt and fear rule, and given in to apathy and hopelessness. With being at home, and doing nothing all day, that becomes set in quite easily unless you fight it. And that's the thing, I haven't been fighting, I've been passively accepting it.
"Where there is no vision, the people perish" (Proverbs 29:18)
And the worst thing is that I let this keep me from going to God. I began doubting that I can pray, that I can hear God, that my relationship with God was ever more than purely superficial. This is not true, but by not listening to God, I gave the enemy freedom to say whatever he wanted. I felt so distant from God. All that I long for is found in Jesus, and so not focusing on Him left me more frustrated.
Thankfully, having talked to some people, especially Rachel, I've become more aware of what I was allowing to happen. And by God's grace, the burden is lifting and I'm finding hope and love and satisfaction in Him. There are still plenty of questions about the future, but I know that being with Jesus is all that I need; He is my portion and my vision.
