Well, i haven't written here in a while.
I've been based in Gloucester for nearly 4 months now, and haven't done loads except some leaflet delivering for Quoakle (www.quoakle.com) and random other stuff.
It hasn't been a particularly easy time, but I am learning to walk with God in dull everyday life. This has it's challenges, and some days are better than others. But God is good, and I've been learning that Jesus needs to be my vision. I guess it comes back to learning to 'be' and not just do stuff.
During this time I've done a lot of thinking and praying about Rachel and myself. This process led to some realizations, and I came to the conclusion that it wasn't right to continue the relationship. This was a hard decision to make, but I'm certain that it was the right thing to do.
So, what next? Well, in 10 days my sister is getting married, which will be great.
I'm going with a friend to a 'Healing and Impartation conference' led by Randy Clark and John Arnott in Southampton in the middle of June.
Beyond that I'm planning on being involved with a Burn 24-7 team from the US on their visit to the UK in July.
I'm also quite sure I'll be part of a Burn 24-7 UK team going to Finland in early August. I've felt for a while that returning to Finland is my next step. So my plan at the moment is to get a one-way flight to Finland, and then explore what God might have for me to do there. It may be only for a few months, but I'm quite open to whatever God wants to do there.
So, the journey continues...
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Vision
The past few weeks haven't been great. Quite honestly, I've dropped the ball. I've let doubt and fear rule, and given in to apathy and hopelessness. With being at home, and doing nothing all day, that becomes set in quite easily unless you fight it. And that's the thing, I haven't been fighting, I've been passively accepting it.
"Where there is no vision, the people perish" (Proverbs 29:18)
And the worst thing is that I let this keep me from going to God. I began doubting that I can pray, that I can hear God, that my relationship with God was ever more than purely superficial. This is not true, but by not listening to God, I gave the enemy freedom to say whatever he wanted. I felt so distant from God. All that I long for is found in Jesus, and so not focusing on Him left me more frustrated.
Thankfully, having talked to some people, especially Rachel, I've become more aware of what I was allowing to happen. And by God's grace, the burden is lifting and I'm finding hope and love and satisfaction in Him. There are still plenty of questions about the future, but I know that being with Jesus is all that I need; He is my portion and my vision.
"Where there is no vision, the people perish" (Proverbs 29:18)
And the worst thing is that I let this keep me from going to God. I began doubting that I can pray, that I can hear God, that my relationship with God was ever more than purely superficial. This is not true, but by not listening to God, I gave the enemy freedom to say whatever he wanted. I felt so distant from God. All that I long for is found in Jesus, and so not focusing on Him left me more frustrated.
Thankfully, having talked to some people, especially Rachel, I've become more aware of what I was allowing to happen. And by God's grace, the burden is lifting and I'm finding hope and love and satisfaction in Him. There are still plenty of questions about the future, but I know that being with Jesus is all that I need; He is my portion and my vision.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Questions
So, a week ago, i set off to Heathrow airport to fly back to the U.S. for the last 3 months of the Burning Ones Internship. After about 5 weeks in England, I couldn't wait to be back in Oklahoma with my internship family, and of course my beautiful fiancee.
So, after my 6/7 hour flight from London to Chicago, I headed to border control. I was going back on the visa waiver programme, for 3 months, which is the longest it can last for. The intial border control guy took me to the secondary check room. This was a bit worrying, but having spent 5 hours in Israeli airport security, I wasn't freaking out. I spent quite a bit of time praying and reading my Bible. After 3 hours there and lots of questions from one of the border security police, I was told they were sending me back to England on the next flight, mainly because i had been denied a visa before (in december). Border police escorted me onto the airfield, and drove me to the plane. I then had another 7 hour flight back to England.
It was probably the hardest experience of my life. To get that close and then be sent back, it was pretty tough, and quite surreal at first. I'd been waiting 5 weeks to get back to the internship, and to see Rachel, so to not get there was pretty disappointing.
Loads of questions have been going around in my head, some not very helpful - like what i could have said or done differently.
All i know to do is to wait on God. I've been asking what He wants me to do next, and i know He'll tell me at some point. But i'm doing my best to yield to what God wants to do in me. I want to know Him in this situation. I want Him to deal with my self, to change me and mould me through this.
So, after my 6/7 hour flight from London to Chicago, I headed to border control. I was going back on the visa waiver programme, for 3 months, which is the longest it can last for. The intial border control guy took me to the secondary check room. This was a bit worrying, but having spent 5 hours in Israeli airport security, I wasn't freaking out. I spent quite a bit of time praying and reading my Bible. After 3 hours there and lots of questions from one of the border security police, I was told they were sending me back to England on the next flight, mainly because i had been denied a visa before (in december). Border police escorted me onto the airfield, and drove me to the plane. I then had another 7 hour flight back to England.
It was probably the hardest experience of my life. To get that close and then be sent back, it was pretty tough, and quite surreal at first. I'd been waiting 5 weeks to get back to the internship, and to see Rachel, so to not get there was pretty disappointing.
Loads of questions have been going around in my head, some not very helpful - like what i could have said or done differently.
All i know to do is to wait on God. I've been asking what He wants me to do next, and i know He'll tell me at some point. But i'm doing my best to yield to what God wants to do in me. I want to know Him in this situation. I want Him to deal with my self, to change me and mould me through this.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
In the Promised Land
Well, after the adventure of getting to Israel, the 3 weeks there were really amazing. We stayed most of our time at Living Bread Ministry house in east Jerusalem, which is run by a lady called Karen Dunham. She took us to lots of places around Jerusalem and other cities in Israel.
On our second day there, we went to the Jordan River. We didn't go to the tourist place though - we went to the place that both Jordan and Israel believe is where Joshua led the Israelites into the Promised Land. This involved being escorted by the Israeli Army through minefields to the river. Once there, we had a time of praise and worship right next to the river. We were there with arabs from Jericho who had become Christians, and it was amazing to see them get baptised in the Jordan River. We also got baptised in the river, which was great.
The next few days we had morning worship and teaching on healing, which was great. During the afternoons we visited the room of the last supper, the pool of Bethesda, and other places in the old city of Jerusalem.
On the Sunday we went to Abraham's well in Beersheba and to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob's tombs in Hebron.
The next week we again had worship and teaching each morning, and then visited places in the afternoons. We went to Jericho to meet with Palestinian Christians there, and to the prayer tower at King of Kings Church in Jerusalem. Wednesday we spent all day visiting places - En Gedi (waterfalls in the wilderness), the Dead Sea (where we floated for a while) and the Mount of Temptations.
On Thursday, we visited what is believed to be the Garden Tomb, and I'm pretty convinced that's where Jesus was crucified and buried. God's peace was definitely in that place.
On Friday night we went to Jerusalem House of Prayer For All Nations on the Mount of Olives, run by Tom Hess. Us twelve interns and leaders took the slots for 24 hours, eaching leading for 2 hours. It was awesome to worship God there, and so amazing to cry out for Jesus' return on the Mount He's returning to.
The next week was more prayer and worship each morning, and in the afternoons visiting more places. We went to Solomon's quarry under the old city of Jerusalem, which is where it's believed Solomon got the stone to build the Temple. It was really great to pray underneath the old city and to cry out to God for Israel.
We also visited Succat Hallal house of prayer, and also a house of prayer right by where they're excavating David's palace and tabernacle.
On the Thursday we went up to Capernaum and the Sea of Galilee. It was awesome to see these places where Jesus spent a lot of His ministry. We then went to Nazareth, and then up to Mount Carmel.
We spend a few days on Mount Carmel, staying at the Carmel Assembly, where David and Karen Davis minister. We were part of a night of prayer and worship there, which started in Hebrew, then Arabic, then Russian, and then we led in English. It was amazing to hear and see what is happening in Israel, and I learned more of Israel's importance to us and in the end times.
After that we had a few days in Jerusalem before we left. In that time we went to the Garden of Gethsemane, under the Temple Mount, and then actually on the Temple Mount, where the dome of the rock is.
Overall, we spent a lot of time worshiping and praying. This was really good, and it was amazing to intercede for Israel in Jerusalem. It felt intense at times, especially the spiritual atmosphere. But we were there to give of ourselves, and God taught us all a lot through the trip. It definitely taught me to press in to God more.
Oh, and leaving was loads easier than getting there, praise the Lord.
On our second day there, we went to the Jordan River. We didn't go to the tourist place though - we went to the place that both Jordan and Israel believe is where Joshua led the Israelites into the Promised Land. This involved being escorted by the Israeli Army through minefields to the river. Once there, we had a time of praise and worship right next to the river. We were there with arabs from Jericho who had become Christians, and it was amazing to see them get baptised in the Jordan River. We also got baptised in the river, which was great.
The next few days we had morning worship and teaching on healing, which was great. During the afternoons we visited the room of the last supper, the pool of Bethesda, and other places in the old city of Jerusalem.
On the Sunday we went to Abraham's well in Beersheba and to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob's tombs in Hebron.
The next week we again had worship and teaching each morning, and then visited places in the afternoons. We went to Jericho to meet with Palestinian Christians there, and to the prayer tower at King of Kings Church in Jerusalem. Wednesday we spent all day visiting places - En Gedi (waterfalls in the wilderness), the Dead Sea (where we floated for a while) and the Mount of Temptations.
On Thursday, we visited what is believed to be the Garden Tomb, and I'm pretty convinced that's where Jesus was crucified and buried. God's peace was definitely in that place.
On Friday night we went to Jerusalem House of Prayer For All Nations on the Mount of Olives, run by Tom Hess. Us twelve interns and leaders took the slots for 24 hours, eaching leading for 2 hours. It was awesome to worship God there, and so amazing to cry out for Jesus' return on the Mount He's returning to.
The next week was more prayer and worship each morning, and in the afternoons visiting more places. We went to Solomon's quarry under the old city of Jerusalem, which is where it's believed Solomon got the stone to build the Temple. It was really great to pray underneath the old city and to cry out to God for Israel.
We also visited Succat Hallal house of prayer, and also a house of prayer right by where they're excavating David's palace and tabernacle.
On the Thursday we went up to Capernaum and the Sea of Galilee. It was awesome to see these places where Jesus spent a lot of His ministry. We then went to Nazareth, and then up to Mount Carmel.
We spend a few days on Mount Carmel, staying at the Carmel Assembly, where David and Karen Davis minister. We were part of a night of prayer and worship there, which started in Hebrew, then Arabic, then Russian, and then we led in English. It was amazing to hear and see what is happening in Israel, and I learned more of Israel's importance to us and in the end times.
After that we had a few days in Jerusalem before we left. In that time we went to the Garden of Gethsemane, under the Temple Mount, and then actually on the Temple Mount, where the dome of the rock is.
Overall, we spent a lot of time worshiping and praying. This was really good, and it was amazing to intercede for Israel in Jerusalem. It felt intense at times, especially the spiritual atmosphere. But we were there to give of ourselves, and God taught us all a lot through the trip. It definitely taught me to press in to God more.
Oh, and leaving was loads easier than getting there, praise the Lord.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Getting to Israel
I got back from Israel a few days ago - it was amazing!
The adventure started in Roanoke, Virginia. I flew from there, but the rest of the group was flying from Washington, D.C. because i had to fly back to England after Israel. So, i had to move my suitcase from our trailer to someone's car. Unfortunately, it got put in the wrong car, which belonged to some random person. We then went to eat breakfast, and when we left, the car with my stuff in was gone. So my suitcase is somewhere in Virginia i guess, with none of my contact details on it. So it's pretty much gone. This was a couple of hours before I was gonna fly.
I was pretty down about that - I was very attached to my clothes, especially my cardigans. I had to spend some time with God processing it, but I remembered this from Matthew 6,
"Do not worry, saying ... 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
So yeah, i had to borrow clothes the whole trip, and i don't really have many clothes. But i know God is lifting my eyes from the things of this world to the things of His kingdom.
So i got on my flight from Roanoke to D.C. with just hand luggage (my wallet, passport, Bible, books, mp3 player, scarf, sunglasses, mittens and not much else). And then flew from D.C. to Frankfurt, then Frankfurt to Tel Aviv. All three flights were fine, didn't get much sleep on the overnight from D.C. to Frankfurt.
So, I arrived in Tel Aviv, a guy on my own without a suitcase. The security people obviously didn't like this, so I spent 5 hours in security in the airport. I was pretty worried that I might get sent back to England. So I put some worship music on my mp3 player, and cried out to God (silently). I was desperate to get into Israel, but i knew it was in God's hands. And, after waiting for ages, they let me out of the airport. By this time the rest of the group had left the airport, after waiting for me for 2 hours, as i had no way of contacting them.
I tried to call the contact number i had for Karen Dunham's ministry house (where my group were going to stay), but i couldn't get through. So i got a minibus from the airport to Damascus Gate in Jerusalem, which was near where we were going to stay. When i got there, i tried to find the address i'd been given, but no-one around had ever heard of the street (It turned out to be a small side street). So, after two hours of wandering (including asking at the police station, which didn't help at all) i asked in a hotel if I could sleep in the lobby area. They told me I'd have to get a room, which would cost 100 dollars.
Having tried to call the ministry house several times, i gave up looking. So, at 2am, i found a bench outside Damascus Gate, and lay there for a few hours. I was pretty cold, so i couldn't sleep, but i was so excited to finally be in Jerusalem. I prayed for quite a while, which was gd. Then at about 5 i got up and wandered around the old city.
Once it got to 7am i went back to the hotel and used their phone. This time i got through to the ministry house, and they gave me directions. So after two nights of little/no sleep and the biggest emotional rollercoaster i've ever been on, I arrived at the place where we were staying. It was so good to see all the other interns, especially Rachel. They'd also been worried, as they didn't know where i was, and had no way of contacting me.
So, all in all, it was a pretty crazy experience. God gave me peace and grace for all that, and my trust in Him is a lot stronger now.
The adventure started in Roanoke, Virginia. I flew from there, but the rest of the group was flying from Washington, D.C. because i had to fly back to England after Israel. So, i had to move my suitcase from our trailer to someone's car. Unfortunately, it got put in the wrong car, which belonged to some random person. We then went to eat breakfast, and when we left, the car with my stuff in was gone. So my suitcase is somewhere in Virginia i guess, with none of my contact details on it. So it's pretty much gone. This was a couple of hours before I was gonna fly.
I was pretty down about that - I was very attached to my clothes, especially my cardigans. I had to spend some time with God processing it, but I remembered this from Matthew 6,
"Do not worry, saying ... 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."
So yeah, i had to borrow clothes the whole trip, and i don't really have many clothes. But i know God is lifting my eyes from the things of this world to the things of His kingdom.
So i got on my flight from Roanoke to D.C. with just hand luggage (my wallet, passport, Bible, books, mp3 player, scarf, sunglasses, mittens and not much else). And then flew from D.C. to Frankfurt, then Frankfurt to Tel Aviv. All three flights were fine, didn't get much sleep on the overnight from D.C. to Frankfurt.
So, I arrived in Tel Aviv, a guy on my own without a suitcase. The security people obviously didn't like this, so I spent 5 hours in security in the airport. I was pretty worried that I might get sent back to England. So I put some worship music on my mp3 player, and cried out to God (silently). I was desperate to get into Israel, but i knew it was in God's hands. And, after waiting for ages, they let me out of the airport. By this time the rest of the group had left the airport, after waiting for me for 2 hours, as i had no way of contacting them.
I tried to call the contact number i had for Karen Dunham's ministry house (where my group were going to stay), but i couldn't get through. So i got a minibus from the airport to Damascus Gate in Jerusalem, which was near where we were going to stay. When i got there, i tried to find the address i'd been given, but no-one around had ever heard of the street (It turned out to be a small side street). So, after two hours of wandering (including asking at the police station, which didn't help at all) i asked in a hotel if I could sleep in the lobby area. They told me I'd have to get a room, which would cost 100 dollars.
Having tried to call the ministry house several times, i gave up looking. So, at 2am, i found a bench outside Damascus Gate, and lay there for a few hours. I was pretty cold, so i couldn't sleep, but i was so excited to finally be in Jerusalem. I prayed for quite a while, which was gd. Then at about 5 i got up and wandered around the old city.
Once it got to 7am i went back to the hotel and used their phone. This time i got through to the ministry house, and they gave me directions. So after two nights of little/no sleep and the biggest emotional rollercoaster i've ever been on, I arrived at the place where we were staying. It was so good to see all the other interns, especially Rachel. They'd also been worried, as they didn't know where i was, and had no way of contacting me.
So, all in all, it was a pretty crazy experience. God gave me peace and grace for all that, and my trust in Him is a lot stronger now.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
North-east Travels
it seems like ages since i was in england, even though it was about 10 days ago. it's been super intense, but amazing. we were in new jersey for about 4 days at the 100 hour Burn, which was incredible. one day us interns took the slots from 2am to 8am, and it was amazing. We went to NYC one day to the subway tunnels to worship and pray for people, which was real cool. then we did some sightseeing - Times Square, Central Park, etc.
After New Jersey/new york, we drove 8 hours to Virginia Beach. we got there saturday night, and we did a church service on the sunday morning, i led worship. It was really great, God gave us words to share with the church and we got to pray for people. in the evening we went to another church which was basically just free prophetic worship - awesome.
Then monday morning we drove 4 hours to Washington, D.C. We met people there who run a 'Justice House of Prayer' right in the centre of D.C. They really focus on praying for the government and issues like abortion and homosexual marriage. On tuesday morning we got to spend a few hours crying out to God for the nation, which is in desperate need of prayer. We got to do some sightseeing in D.C. - saw the Lincoln memorial, Washington monument, the White House, etc. That evening we led a meeting of a youth group at a church near D.C. Again God gave us all prophetic words for the young people. At one point i got up to read a passage (Titus 2:11-14) that God gave me to share, and I ended up preaching for 5 or 10 minutes. It was awesome to see God at work in their lives.
On wednesday morning we drove 4 hours to Roanoke, Virginia, where i currently am. Today i'm gonna spend some time with Rachel and her family (who live here), should be gd.
This saturday we fly to Israel, where we'll be for about 4 weeks. It's gonna be life-changing, I can't wait!
After New Jersey/new york, we drove 8 hours to Virginia Beach. we got there saturday night, and we did a church service on the sunday morning, i led worship. It was really great, God gave us words to share with the church and we got to pray for people. in the evening we went to another church which was basically just free prophetic worship - awesome.
Then monday morning we drove 4 hours to Washington, D.C. We met people there who run a 'Justice House of Prayer' right in the centre of D.C. They really focus on praying for the government and issues like abortion and homosexual marriage. On tuesday morning we got to spend a few hours crying out to God for the nation, which is in desperate need of prayer. We got to do some sightseeing in D.C. - saw the Lincoln memorial, Washington monument, the White House, etc. That evening we led a meeting of a youth group at a church near D.C. Again God gave us all prophetic words for the young people. At one point i got up to read a passage (Titus 2:11-14) that God gave me to share, and I ended up preaching for 5 or 10 minutes. It was awesome to see God at work in their lives.
On wednesday morning we drove 4 hours to Roanoke, Virginia, where i currently am. Today i'm gonna spend some time with Rachel and her family (who live here), should be gd.
This saturday we fly to Israel, where we'll be for about 4 weeks. It's gonna be life-changing, I can't wait!
Sunday, December 27, 2009
the last month
Apparently i haven't written on here for a month - it's been a pretty busy month.
I've had 3 weeks in Shawnee, and then the last 2 weeks in Gloucester.
I had a good last 3 weeks in Oklahoma - God challenged me quite a bit on really seeking Him above everything else, and about coming to Him when I'm stressed and worried - not just one of those 'Help me' prayers, but really reminding myself of Who He is and letting that put things in perspective.
That's been a recurrent theme it seems. The day after I got back to England I went to the US Embassy in central London to apply for my visa. I didn't get the visa, which would have sorted all that out until the end of the internship in Shawnee. However, despite the initial shock/anger/disappointment, I knew i should just worship God. As I fixed my gaze on the eternal King of all, I saw that Has all things in His hands; I was able to say "the Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord".
So I'm having to trust God for each step, which isn't as easy, but I know I'll learn more this way. So, I'm off to New York on Tuesday 29th December (pretty soon) to meet up with the other interns for 100 hours of prayer and worship in NYC over New year's. Then we'll be going to Washington D.C. and Virginia. Then on Jan 9 we're flying from D.C. to Israel, where we'll be until Feb 6. I shall try to blog while in Israel to keep you up to date.
One major piece of news is that I have a girlfriend - the wonderful Rachel Williams, who is one of the interns. She is from Roanoke, Virginia (which we'll be visiting in early january). I can't wait to see her again when i get back to the US.
It's been lovely to be back in Gloucester for the last 10 days or so. It's been great to catch up with friends here and spend time with my family. It does always feel kinda weird coming back to Gloucester, I'm kinda used to being in other countries now.
hopefully i shall write again soon
be blessed
I've had 3 weeks in Shawnee, and then the last 2 weeks in Gloucester.
I had a good last 3 weeks in Oklahoma - God challenged me quite a bit on really seeking Him above everything else, and about coming to Him when I'm stressed and worried - not just one of those 'Help me' prayers, but really reminding myself of Who He is and letting that put things in perspective.
That's been a recurrent theme it seems. The day after I got back to England I went to the US Embassy in central London to apply for my visa. I didn't get the visa, which would have sorted all that out until the end of the internship in Shawnee. However, despite the initial shock/anger/disappointment, I knew i should just worship God. As I fixed my gaze on the eternal King of all, I saw that Has all things in His hands; I was able to say "the Lord gives, the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord".
So I'm having to trust God for each step, which isn't as easy, but I know I'll learn more this way. So, I'm off to New York on Tuesday 29th December (pretty soon) to meet up with the other interns for 100 hours of prayer and worship in NYC over New year's. Then we'll be going to Washington D.C. and Virginia. Then on Jan 9 we're flying from D.C. to Israel, where we'll be until Feb 6. I shall try to blog while in Israel to keep you up to date.
One major piece of news is that I have a girlfriend - the wonderful Rachel Williams, who is one of the interns. She is from Roanoke, Virginia (which we'll be visiting in early january). I can't wait to see her again when i get back to the US.
It's been lovely to be back in Gloucester for the last 10 days or so. It's been great to catch up with friends here and spend time with my family. It does always feel kinda weird coming back to Gloucester, I'm kinda used to being in other countries now.
hopefully i shall write again soon
be blessed
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