Prayer Retreat

This weekend we (all the interns and leaders) went away for the weekend for a prayer retreat in rural Oklahoma. It was led by a couple, Phil and Melissa, from Dallas who are part of the Burn 24-7. I was really looking forward to getting away and slowing down for the weekend; the past few weeks have felt quite busy and tiring.

On Friday evening we got there and ate together. Then we had a time of creative interactive worship - basically, no-one led. We sat and waited upon the Lord and people picked up instruments as they felt led by the Holy Spirit. Apparently nearly everyone had pretty awesome encounters with God, except me. I couldn't really focus on God, I felt really weird. It kinda made me angry and jealous of everyone else - God's beginning to bring stuff to the surface that's deep in me. It was hard seeing my weaknesses while everyone else was experiencing the wonders of God.

The next morning we had a similar worship time, and again i couldn't really feel anything, so i just tried to focus my mind on worshiping. It was a bit frustrating still. Then we were told that for the rest of the day (from 12pm til 6pm) we couldn't talk to anyone else apart from God. We just had alone time with God all afternoon - it was very quiet. So i walked around the nearby lake and spent time with God. It was really good just to be quiet and focus on Him - living in community with 11 other people, i find i crave silence every so often. Later I interacted with God around the Bible, and I also read a fair amount of "Intercessory Prayer" by Dutch Sheets - excellent book.
Later in the afternoon i got chance to talk 2-on-1 with Phil and Melissa. It was really awesome to be able to just bare my soul to them. They are really amazing, peaceful people.

During the weekend, I was reminded of what God had told me earlier in the week that God is taking me into a season of winter, of being barren and dying. For this season I won't feel emotion in worship - God wants me to learn to be led by Him leading my spirit. I'm gonna have to learn to trust God, and not my emotions. My flesh is being crushed, and I'm not gonna feel comfortable.

One prayer request i have is my visa situation. It currently doesn't look very easy for me to come back here, and i'm gonna have to be wise and also trust God as far as flights, etc are concerned. So, if you could pray for me, that would be wonderful.